Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize