she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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