She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize