i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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