She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
