Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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