i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
