This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
