I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
