last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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