Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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