i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize