i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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