It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
