lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
