Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
