my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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