Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
