the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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