I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
