dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
