god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He did a backflip because drugs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
