im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
