Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want a musical about memes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
