it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jerry, you need to find god
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
