I love black thongs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
