this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
