Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
