why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
