Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
