Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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