I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
