you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
