fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
