Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
