so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
