I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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