he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
