i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
