Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
