Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize