i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
