i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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