I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
