She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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