party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
