Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize