Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
love makes seman taste better
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
