I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize