just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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