is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
