what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
