Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
