I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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