the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
