Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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