True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
