Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
