You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
