She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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