Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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