I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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